Thursday, Jan. 3, 2008
Part 1


Tracy: Luke?

[Alarm]

Tracy: Luke? Luke? Oh, my god. I need a doctor. You didn't -- you didn't! I need help in here! What's taking so long?

Leyla: We have a code blue in room 527!

Tracy: Luke Spencer, you are going to have to cheat death just one more time.

Luke: What fresh hell is this?

Judge: This court is now in session, the most honorable Judge Lucas Lorenzo Spencer presiding.

Luke: Huh. Well, I do have a sense of humor.

Judge: Quiet. Put on your listening ears.

Luke: Your honor, may I ask -- where -- where is this court?

Judge: It is far deep within the purgatorial provinces of your warped and distorted psyche.

Luke: Well, what's the deal?

Judge: Mr. Spencer, your soul -- for the lack of a better, more precise word -- is on trial. And frankly, sir, so far, you're an idiot!

Detective: Look, I know you're gearing up for a war with the Zaccharas.

Sonny: I went to an art show, Detective.

Detective: Yeah, and you rammed a guy's head against a wall.

Sonny: You see what they're charging for that stuff? My kid could paint better.

Detective: What are you doing in Manhattan, Corinthos?

Sonny: What, are you here repeating yourself?

Detective: You may run Port Charles, but you've got no clout here.

[Knock on door]

Kate: Oh. Detective, I cannot thank you enough for finding my friend.

Epiphany: Stanford? Stanford! Stanford, it's your mama -- talk to me! Are you ok? Are you all right?

Cassius: What happened? What -- what'd you hear?

Epiphany: It -- it sounded like he was in an accident or something.

Elizabeth: Where is he?

Epiphany: He's someplace in Florida. And then, the line went dead.

Elizabeth: This is Elizabeth Webber from General Hospital. There's been an accident. His name is Stanford Johnson and his mother is a coworker of mine. She was on the phone with him when it happened. Yes, she is. Epiphany, it's the 911 dispatcher. He wants to talk to you.

Epiphany: Hel-- hello? This Epiphany Johnson, Stanford's mother. Yes, all he told me was that he's in Florida on business. No, I -- I don't even know what part of the state.

Elizabeth: Hey, it's me. I need your help.

Epiphany: He was on the way home -- and for me not to worry, and -- and then I heard tires screech and a horrible sound and -- and then nothing.

Ric: Sorry about that. The mayor -- I had to speak with him.

Alexis: Ah, that's ok. I see that you have a lot on your plate. As long as you asked me here, I thought, well, I'd just tell you that I have been nominated by the women's attorneys association for litigator of the year.

Ric: Congratulations!

Alexis: I know!

Skye: That sounds impressive.

[Ric chuckles]

Alexis: Well, you know, some of the recipients have gone on to very high-level cabinet posts, and I know one went to the federal bench and -

Ric: Uh-huh.

Alexis: One went to the Supreme Court, so -- so, what'd you want to see me about?

Ric: Oh -- um -- sorry.

Alexis: A trust for Molly?

Ric: Yeah, not that I don't think you can provide for her, Secretary of State Davis.

Alexis: Hmm. This is really wonderful, thank you.

[Phone rings]

Alexis: Oh, where is it? Here it is. Sam, Sam -- hi, Sam. Hey. Listen, I left a note for you giving you instructions on what to do, and keep in mind that Kristina's being a bit of a pill lately and she's being very fussy about what she eats, so -- but you'll be able to -- no. No, no! Sam, no -- you can't! You -- you can't do that. Viola's going to be out of the country. I don't have anybody else to watch the gir-- please -- no! Oh! Ok. Ok. I'll -- I'll -- I'll find someone else. Whew. Ok, you, too. I have to find somebody to watch the girls.

Ric: Well, I know somebody.

Alexis: You do?

Ric: Yeah.

Alexis: Reliable, somebody that's reliable?

Ric: Uh-huh.

Alexis: And that can do it at the last minute?

Ric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Alexis: And can handle this?

Ric: And -- and loves Kristina and Molly -- as a matter of fact, is Molly's father.

Alexis: You?

Kate: When I realized that you had taken away my dear friend in a squad car and I had absolutely no idea where, I immediately called Michael.

Detective: Michael?

Kate: Bloomberg.

Detective: The mayor?

Kate: Yes. You see, we're expected at a function tonight and, well, I could put in a good -- or bad -- word to Michael depending on whether or not Mr. Corinthos and I make it.

Detective: Mr. Corinthos assaulted an innocent guy who was just looking at some paintings at an art gallery.

Kate: Oh, no. Geoffrey Lambere, the man in question, tripped. I saw the whole thing. It was New Year's Eve, and as usual, Geoffrey had just a little too much to drink, Detective --

Detective: Janco.

Kate: Detective Janco, it would be kinder for all concerned if we just let this go away, and I could tell Michael that you handled the situation with the utmost discretion.

Det. Janco: Your friend Sonny Corinthos is a known mobster. He committed assault and he's not going anywhere.

Leo: Give me another push of epi.

[Alarm]

Leyla: He's still in v-fib.

Leo: All right, charge the paddles to 200. That better have been one hell of a cigar.

[Paddles charge]

Leyla: Charged.

Leo: All right. Clear. Hmm! Come on.

Luke: Wow. That judge is one handsome dude. He likes me, too -- I can tell. This is going to be a cakewalk. Or not.

Second Luke: The judge said something about "purgatorial province." I don't know what the hell that means, but it takes a long time to get the hang of this jurisprudence lingo.

First Luke: Well, I'm not going to be here that long.

Second Luke: Be careful what you ask for.

Prosecutor: Your honor, the prosecution is prepared to proceed.

Luke: Oh, I like that suit. Now, see, you should've dressed like that.

Judge: You may call your first witness.

Prosecutor: I call Alexis Davis.

Luke: Well, this should be ok. Natasha and I go back a long way.

Prosecutor: Ms. Davis, did the defendant approach you with a plan to kill Helena Cassadine?

Alexis: Yes.

Luke: Well, she slit her mother's throat and kidnapped and brainwashed my son.

Alexis: He thought that we should saw the parapet railing in Helena's home so that she might "have an accident."

Prosecutor: And did an innocent woman, one Katherine Bell, fall instead and become critically injured?

Alexis: Yes.

Luke: Well, that was her own damn fault.

Prosecutor: Did the defendant step forward and admit what he had done?

Alexis: No. He thought we should cover it up.

Prosecutor: Did he at any time show any remorse?

Alexis: No.

Luke: Aren't you going to object?

Lawyer: Object to what?

Prosecutor: I call Caroline Corinthos Jacks to the stand. You were given up for adoption when you were a child, were you not, Ms. Corinthos Jacks?

Carly: Yes, my mother was young, in difficult circumstances. My father wasn't present and she wanted me to have the life that she could never give me.

Prosecutor: And your mother is?

Carly: Bobbie Spencer.

Prosecutor: The defendant's sister.

Carly: Yes.

Prosecutor: And when Luke Spencer found out that you were his niece -- the long-lost daughter that his sister was forced to give up when she was little more than a child, the same daughter at she had been worried about and yearning for all those years -- what did he do?

Carly: He blackmailed me to keep my mouth shut so I wouldn't tell my mother the truth.

Prosecutor: He used threats and intimidation to keep you away from your own mother!

Carly: Yes, he did.

Luke: Well, when you put it like that, it sounds bad. Come on, I'm dying here.

Lawyer: That would be my assessment.

Luke: When I said "I'm dying here," I was referring to this lousy representation. Why aren't you cross-examining?

Lawyer: Because I'm trying to get the witnesses off the stand as quickly as possible.

Luke: What kind of defense strategy is that?

Lawyer: The faster they're out of here, the sooner they quit saying damning things about you.

Prosecutor: I call Edward Quatermaine to the stand.

Edward: Luke Spencer is a liar and a thief, and he duped my daughter into getting drunk in order to trick her into marrying him.

Luke: Nobody even asked him a question. The old blowhard just spouted off -- object already. Oh, give me some of that.

Luke: Nuts.

Edward: He's been sponging off of Tracy and the rest of us ever since. I say the hell with him, literally.

Luke: He wants to be the executioner.

Edward: Spectator. I want to watch you fry.

Lawyer: I object.

Luke: Finally. Lawyer: I object to this antiquated, out-of-date definition of "hell." We all know that there are far worse things awaiting the defendant than the old-fashioned fire and brimstone.

Judge: The comment will be stricken.

Lawyer: Thank you.

Prosecutor: I call police commissioner Mac Scorpio. You are married, Mr. Scorpio?

Mac: Not that it made any difference to Luke.

Luke: Felicia was a P.I. I hired her to help me find my son.

Mac: He slept with my wife.

Prosecutor: With wanton disregard for your marriage.

Mac: When he seduced Felicia, he was married to Laura, the supposed love of his life.

Prosecutor: I call Skye Chandler Quatermaine.

Luke: Oh, at last -- someone in my corner.

Prosecutor: Did you have sexual relations with the defendant while he was married to Tracy Quatermaine?

Skye: Yes.

Luke: Blaze, give me a break here.

[Judge pounds gavel]

Judge: Shh! I'm losing my patience here, Mr. Spencer. I have other things to do today.

Luke: But, your honor, you're not getting the full picture.

Judge: Mr. Spencer, do you see my mouth moving? I'm speaking. Put on your listening ears. Your attorney will have plenty of opportunity to speak.

Luke: My attorney doesn't exactly inspire confidence.

Prosecutor: I call Tracy Quatermaine.

Luke: I object. A wife cannot be forced to testify against her husband.

Tracy: I volunteered prosecutor: You and the defendant went to Las Vegas for your wedding.

Tracy: No. Luke told me that my son had eloped, so he promised to help me bring him back home. It was a big, fat lie.

Prosecutor: Tell the court about your wedding ceremony.

Tracy: I was dead drunk, in a blackout. It was the only way Luke knew I would marry him.

Luke: Ask her why I did it.

Tracy: He did it so that he could force me into returning some disputed funds. Actually, when he got what he wanted, he refused to divorce me.

Prosecutor: Mrs. Spencer, how would you characterize your husband?

Tracy: Well, let's see -- he is chronically unfaithful, a thief and a liar. He deserts me at the drop of a hat -- oh, and he put poison in my martini once. He said it was a joke, but I didn't find it funny and I knew he was trying to kill me.

Luke: Wife!

Prosecutor: Attempted murder?

Tracy: And that's not the worst of it.

Luke: What can you call me that's worse?

Tracy: You're a coward.

Alexis: It's a really generous offer.

Ric: Yeah.

Alexis: I just can't ask you to do that.

Ric: You didn't ask. I offered, ok? And I'd love the time with Molly.

Alexis: It's both girls.

Ric: And Kristina -- I miss them both.

Alexis: Well, and Kristina is -- oh, my god, what's going on with her right now -- she's a real handful, so it's -

Ric: Ok, believe me, I can -- I can manage. Ok, well, who are you going to get at this late date?

Skye: Sounds like the perfect solution to me.

Alexis: I'm just trying to be realistic.

Ric: And I'm trying to figure out why you're not comfortable with this. Look, Alexis, I raised Molly on my own and I was very good at it. Giving her up was the last thing I wanted to do. I relinquished custody because of my father's threats and because I knew she would be safer with you. Look, haven't I proven that I'll always act in our daughter's best interests?

Alexis: Yes.

Ric: But you just don't trust it? Hey, ok, look. You deserve this award, and I want you to enjoy the ceremony, so don't go and worry and -- about whatever.

Alexis: I'm not worried. I'm not. I know that you would not hurt the girls -- I know that. It's just that things got very ugly between us with the breakup and the -- the custody battle, and I think maybe I'm harboring a little more resentment and anger than I -- I realized. I think it's time to let that go. What I should've said was "thank you. I would love for you to take care of the girls while I'm gone."

Ric: Then you just got yourself a babysitter.

Jason: Spinelli managed to locate Stan.

Epiphany: Oh, thank god. How did you manage to do it?

Jason: Elizabeth called, told us what happened.

Spinelli: Yeah, I -- I was able to track the G.P.S. unit in his rental car. He -- he crashed in a remote stretch of highway in central Florida.

Jason: I called 911. Police and rescue workers are on their way.

Kate: I sit on the board of Winston Academy, the school which Mr. Corinthos' daughter attends, and we have very strict standards. If Mr. Corinthos has ever been convicted of a crime -

Sonny: I haven't, actually.

Kate: Oh. You see, Mr. Corinthos is here at my invitation, so it falls on me to sort things out. Are you married?

Det. Janco: Yeah. What's that got to do with -

Kate: Well, I would imagine living in the greatest city in the world that your wife enjoys a night out, some favorite thing to do, something she drags you to?

Det. Janco: Huh -- she likes Broadway musicals.

Kate: Of course she does. And you would rather be sitting at home watching a Yankees game, although it won't be the same without Joe Torre.

Det. Janco: No -- huh. He's the heart and soul of the team.

Kate: Yes. I told George he was making a mistake letting Joe get away.

Det. Janco: You know Steinbrenner? Well, next time you see him, give him an earful for me.

Kate: But you're a good husband, aren't you, Detective? You indulge your wife, right? You take her to a show?

Det. Janco: Makes her happy.

Kate: Yeah. Two seats, front-row center, any Broadway musical of your choice.

Det. Janco: You're kidding.

Kate: No. Please, it's the least I could do after this unfortunate event.

Det. Janco: Well, you'd make me some kind of hero.

Kate: And you would be saving my reputation, so here is my assistant Clarice's number. I'll tell her to expect your call.

Det. Janco: Well. Well, Corinthos, you're free to go.

Sonny: All right.

Officer: Just a second. Uh-uh-uh. What the hell is going on here?

Det. Janco: So, I didn't see any reason to hold him.

Officer: Sonny Corinthos shows up in our city and put a guy's head into a wall.

Det. Janco: Yeah, it was a new year's party. You know, the guy had a -

Kate: Few too many?

Det. Janco: Few too many and he -

Kate: Tripped.

Det. Janco: Tripped.

Officer: This is your version?

Kate: No, no, no, no. Actually, it's mine.

Officer: You're his attorney?

Kate: Oh, no. No, I'm a fashion editor and -

Officer: What?

Kate: And you are exactly the type that I am looking for.

Officer: Just because I put on this uniform doesn't mean I go that way.

Kate: Oh -- no, no, no. I don't think I'm getting -

Officer: I am all woman!

Kate: Exactly. Huh. No, we are running a feature in "Couture" magazine -

Officer: "Couture"? Right. And I'm Kate Howard.

Kate: No, actually, I'm Kate Howard.

Officer: Get out.

Sonny: Yeah, yeah, she's Kate Howard.

Kate: Yes.

Officer: I used to lift that magazine every month from the newsstand when I was in high school.

Kate: So did I.

[Officer Janco chuckles]

Kate: So, this article we're doing -- it's called "Real-World Chic," and we're taking five New York City women in highly stressful jobs and we're giving them a complete wardrobe makeover.

Officer: No matter what you see on TV, it is impossible to track down a perp in five-inch heels.

Kate: Ok, see? See, that is exactly why we need a woman just like you to put high fashion to the real-world test, that is if -- if you have the time to schedule a fitting and come in for some test shoots.

Officer: Yeah, sure, I can do that.

Kate: Great. Well, you have my assistant Clarice's number. Give her a call. Oh, wait -- oh, my friend?

Officer: Turn Mr. Corinthos loose.

Jason: We have no way of knowing how bad the car was wrecked or how badly Stan was injured. I'm sorry, there's just nothing else we can tell you at this point.

Epiphany: You can tell me what he was doing in Florida in the first place.

Jason: I -- I don't know.

Epiphany: Or you won't tell me because it was business. If my son got hurt doing something for you -

Jason: No, no -- Stan doesn't work for me anymore. He quit back in September.

Epiphany: Then what has -- what's he been doing all this time? Who has he been working for?

Jerry: Yeah, Stan was on the phone with his mother when the car wrecked. I mean, there is no greater confirmation than that. Still, I want to make sure he's dead.

Bailiff: Go.

Tracy: Luke Spencer was too much of a coward to deal with real life, so he took the coward's way out. He lit up a Cuban cigar right after quadruple bypass surgery. You're an idiot!

Prosecutor: I call Nikolas Cassadine. You are the defendant's stepson.

Nikolas: Well, Luke preferred to call me "the spawn," and that's exactly how he treated me -- as if I were the son of the devil.

Luke: Oh, come on, Nik -- not for a long time now.

Nikolas: See, Luke hated that Laura had a son with another man. He wanted me dead.

Prosecutor: I call Lesley Webber to the stand. Your daughter, Laura, was married to the defendant.

Lesley: Yes.

Luke: Lesley's always liked me.

Lesley: Luke would say that Laura was the love of his life. What he'd fail to mention is that he got her into constant danger, he took her "on the run" for years, and when he first met her, she was married to another man and he destroyed her marriage.

Scott: I reached out to Luke, I befriended him. And how did he pay me back? By hitting on my wife, and when she resisted, he raped her.

Luke: Why aren't you objecting or cross-examining?

Lawyer: Because everything that's being said is true.