Lulu: Lucky -- ahem -- are you here?

Scott: All right -

Lulu: Oh!

Scott: Lulu, don't worry. I'm not liquored up.

Lulu: No, you need to leave.

Scott: Well, you need to know something here, all right? When you get the guts up to go see what's left of Logan, I want you to know this. Stay away from my son!

Luke: Yeah, I want you to know this! I told you to keep him away from her in the first place!

[Ric and Marianna laugh]

Marianna: I can't believe how priceless this piece of paper is.

Ric: Yes, you are now free from deportation. You have an application for a green card, and you have a work permit.

Marianna: Thanks to you.

Ric: Oh, no.

Marianna: Hmm. And all because I knew how to make a good cup of coffee.

Ric: Well, hardly.

[Marianna chuckles]

Ric: So -

Marianna: So -- what happens now?

Maxie: You have to do something before this thing goes all the way up and scrapes me off like sewer gum!

[Whirring noise]

Maxie: What's that, Spinelli?

Spinelli: Oh, the -- the original grate that descended to impede our progress is rising, but this one -- I -- I cannot override the over-- my previous override of the override system -

Maxie: Oh!

Spinelli: To stop it from doing the same thing!

Diego: Oh!

Nikolas: You took away the most beautiful thing that I've ever known in my life. You didn't think I'd remember, did you? You didn't think I'd remember you strangling her to death. Hurts, doesn't it?

[Diego coughs]

Nikolas: Doesn't it? Now I'm going to make you wish that you stayed dead!

Diego: Agh!

Patrick: Now, this is only temporary. We're trying to protect your hands as much as possible. We removed the largest pieces of glass, immobilized your joints. You suffered a concussion, but you'll be fine in a couple days. Our priority right now is to get you stabilized and get you into the O.R. It's not good, Jason. I'm not going to lie to you. We also gave you enough antibiotics and painkillers to put down a horse. If you're thinking of getting out of here and doing something heroic, don't. You're only going to waste everybody's time when you fall down and we have to pick you up. Now for that big, indelicate question -

Jason: When can I go back to work?

Patrick: I was thinking more along the lines of are you ever going to work for Sonny Corinthos again?

Patrick: I can't guarantee you'll be fit for urban warfare again. We're going to do the best we can as quickly as we can. Hand specialists -- they're on their way. We're going to get you prepped for surgery into an O.R. that's equipped with video linkup. Video conference surgery -- every top-dog surgeon that can't be here will be looking down on us via satellite.

Jason: Thank you.

Patrick: No thank-you necessary. Big surgeries like this put coins in the G.H. piggy bank, which is more than I can say for your regular body count in the G.H. morgue. I ducked out earlier and had a couple drinks, so I won't be picking up a scalpel. Plus, this surgery is out of my specialty.

Jason: That's good to know.

Patrick: Look, I'm trying to be a better man here. I'm at a cross purpose of ethics. You can understand the irony and the possibilities. This is one of the most complex, if not the most complex mechanical actions that your body and mind can do. Now, I can't give you a prognosis until they get in there and see the big picture. But while we're doing everything we can to make sure this surgery is a success, you should take the opportunity to think if there's anything else those hands are capable of.

Ian: Well, it looks like you've gone and ruined all the wonderful work that I have done. Oh. You know, if you wanted to see me again, all you had to do was schedule a follow-up, ma'am.

Sam: Oh, man. I bet that line actually works on some women.

Ian: Not on you?

Sam: Look, doc, I am in far too much pain and I have gone through way too much to flirt with my doctor. And you are a doctor, aren't you?

[Sam chuckles]

Sam: Really? Or are you just some guy who came off the street and put that thing -- his blue suit on and took a peak under my sheets?

Ian: Miss, I am twice a doctor. Reconstructive surgeon to oncologist, remember?

Sam: Well, I don't see the connection.

Ian: You don't need to. Well, it looks like you've -- well, popped out a few things that need to get popped back in again.

Sam: Oh. Whoa, that was technical.

[Sam chuckles]

Ian: I figure why bore you with all the medical mumbo-jumbo or scare you with all the gory details after the night you've had?

Sam: Thanks.

Ian: Uh-huh. Suffice it to say, it's not an emergency, but you should get this taken care of sooner rather than later. I can repair all the damage you've done, inside and out.

Sam: Huh? "Out"?

Ian: Yeah, a scar that you're going to have. I take requests, you know.

Sam: What?

Ian: Yeah. Designer scars. Oh, yeah, it's all the rage. Yeah, for virtually the same price, I can make it completely invisible. Or I can doctor it up to be a little bit more aesthetically pleasing. A simple tribal symbol. Maybe your initials, a quick haiku.

Sam: Oh, yeah, good. You're kidding? You're kidding. Yeah?

Ian: Yeah.

Sam: Good.

Ian: Of course I am. But it took your mind off the pain long enough to let the meds take the edge off, didn't it?

Sam: Oh, god -- I'm ok. So you are too smooth to use one-liners. Let me think -- plastic surgeon, oncologist, two different types of doctors. Are there two different types of men behind the degrees?

Ian: How badly do you want to know?

Alexis: Jax is my best friend in the whole world. Not to mention, my ex-husband.

Jerry: Oh, from a marriage that was never consummated.

Alexis: Well, that's not the point.

Jerry: Well, I mean, you're the last person I expected to worry about keeping it in the family. I mean, Sonny and Ric are brothers, but that didn't stop you from having a child with each one of them.

Alexis: Must you keep drudging up my past?

Jerry: Well, history has a way of repeating itself, doesn't it?

Alexis: Well, it's not going to do it again, because Jax is the most functional relationship that I've ever had with a boy, and I'm not going to screw it up by getting involved with his deadbeat brother.

Jerry: Oh! Oh, darling, darling -- and then name-calling. Please, I mean, that hurts, you know? But just to tell you, I'm not as destitute as you think I am. My employment might be unconventional, but it's very, very lucrative, darling.

Alexis: Your business is very, very naughty at best, and I am not going to be a party to it.

Jerry: Then I'm afraid I'm going to be forced to retain Ms. -- Ms. Miller's services, after all, and sue you for breach of contract.

[Maxie whimpers]

Spinelli: I'm --

[Whirring noise]

Spinelli: Oh, ha! Ok. Once more, The Jackal has -

Maxie: Only made things worse! You need to get me out of here!

[Computer chimes]

Maxie: Oh, just help me, Spinelli! Please!

Spinelli: Um -- um -- um --

[Thud]

Maxie: Oh!

[Spinelli grunts]

Maxie: Where are you going?

Spinelli: I -- I -- I don't know!

Maxie: Come back here!

Spinelli: Ok.

Maxie: Pull me out!

Spinelli: What?

Maxie: Pull me out.

Spinelli: How?

Maxie: I don't really care how. You have to get me out of here.

[Spinelli groans]

Maxie: Ok, hold on -

Spinelli: I got you. Ok.

Maxie: Oh, perfect.

Spinelli: So here we are.

Maxie: Yeah, here we are. Now where are we going to go?

Spinelli: Um -- going up?

[Spinelli chuckles]

Maxie: Ok. Ok.

Spinelli: Um -- oh -- thanks.

Nikolas: Tell me, did you feel anything when you killed her? Feel anything.

Diego: You lost one person. I lost my entire family! Ugh! Oh! No! No -- oh! Oh! Who's helpless now?

Spinelli: Thus, the infamous drain channel 17 that the clean-cut cadet clues us in about runs under the city's thoroughfares and byways -

Maxie: Oh, oh! What's all this stuff?

Spinelli: Jackal, P.I., shall study the facts and clues and ascertain.

Maxie: I think someone was attacked.

Spinelli: The Jackal, P.I., believes that someone was attacked.

Maxie: Hmm.

Spinelli: I believe I've -- I believe I've observed this on the hand of the noble nurse Nadine.

Maxie: Ugh.

Spinelli: No, no, no! And -- I -- I think -- if I'm not mistaken, she has the exact same intoxicating scent as her sister, the not-so-fair Jolene.

Maxie: Compact, lip-gloss, blush, all ruined, what a waste.

Spinelli: A conclusive sniff of her handkerchief -

Maxie: Quite the crafty one, I see. Wait!

Spinelli: This -- this is most unusual. This is not perfume, and -

Maxie: No, it's chloroform, stupid!

Spinelli: Never fear. The Jackal, P.I., has an exceptionally strong constitution, weakened only by select ingredients and certain cold remedies and various other widely available products. But -- I mean, there -- there couldn't have been enough of the substance still in the -

Maxie: Oh, god -- oh.

Spinelli: Onward. We must find the noble nurse Nadine. Um -- upward! The Jackal guards the rear.

Scott: Your daughter hauled off and clubbed my son in the head with a monkey wrench.

Luke: Elegant choice of weaponry, gumdrop.

Scott: Listen, Lulu, the last time I saw Logan, he was heartbroken. He wanted to make things work out with you. Now, he's -- he's just in a coma.

Luke: How do you tell the difference?

Lulu: Stop it. It was a mistake. I thought he was going to hurt me.

Scott: Yeah, I know, that's the story that you're flagging, that you want us all to believe. But it kind of has the ironic tragedy of your mother and Rick Webber written all over it. Spencer!

Luke: Bum leg or no bum leg, you spew that sewage up one more time, they'll be sucking up your brains with a dust buster!

Lulu: I said stop!

Scott: You know, you Spencer women -- that's -- that's what you like to do. You like to protect the useless deadbeat, some coward. Maybe you didn't club my son. Maybe it was your friend Johnny. He's been a little scarce lately.

Sonny: What's this?

Johnny: Music therapy. Calms me down. You ought to try it sometime.

Diego: Ugh!

[Diego pants]

Spinelli: Well, this is all too familiar. Except last time, The Jackal was with Stone Cold and everyday hero and he was shot -- and he fell.

[Thud]

Maxie: Spinelli, come on! I don't want to be up here by myself!

Diego: You won't be.

Alexis: Breach of contract?

Jerry: Breach of contract. I retained you as my attorney, and now you're refusing to provide me with adequate representation.

Alexis: Because there is a conflict of interest.

Jerry: But you see, this transaction needs to be dealt with the utmost discretion. If not, I could be subject to a great deal of undue suffering.

Alexis: There isn't a judge on this planet that will hold me liable for your pain.

Jerry: Maybe not, but then we'd be tied up in deposition for hours debating the point.

[Jerry chuckles]

Alexis: You wouldn't.

Jerry: Don't underestimate just how far I'd go to spend time with you, Alexis, darling.

Alexis: What's the account number?

Ian: Mary Riley.

Sam: Oh, is that another patient?

Ian: No. It's a name that popped into my head. Mary Riley, Elizabeth Frankenstein, Lucy Seward -- all brave and beautiful women, seduced into the shadows by men of madness and debauchery.

[Sam scoffs]

Sam: What are you talking about?

Ian: Dr. Jekyll, Dr. Frankenstein -

Sam: Ok.

Ian: And everybody's favorite blood bank bandit, Count Dracula.

Sam: Hmm.

Ian: They all led double lives. And those lives ended for the women who became too curious about them.

Sam: Interesting bedside manner you have.

Ian: Two, actually. Clinical and compassionate, and fast and furious.

Sam: Ok. Well, which one am I seeing now?

Ian: Neither. Which makes me curious about you. And -- it makes me think another doctor should take up your case.

Marianna: I would've made coffee had I known you wanted it.

Ric: I know that. That's why I didn't tell you that I wanted it.

Marianna: Thank you.

Ric: What are you doing?

Marianna: I was just looking -

Ric: No, no, no, no, no, no.

Marianna: For a job and a furnished room to rent.

Ric: There's no rush for you to do anything.

Marianna: Well, I think there is. If I stay here, people are going to get the wrong idea.

Ric: Oh, really? And what would that be? Friends trying to help out another friend?

Marianna: No, I told you, people talk. And there were those in Martha's Vineyard who suspected randy abused me and thought I deserved what I got because I used him to come to America, and -

Ric: Yeah, but you didn't.

Marianna: You only have my word for everything.

Ric: Well, that's all I need, ok? I believe you. You got no reason to lie to me. Hey, listen, I went to Martha's Vineyard to find myself, ok? And while I was there, I was able to -- to get rid of some demons. I think it's about time you do the same. Hmm? Nobody's going to hurt you ever again. Ok?

Marianna: Ok.

Regina: The pain should be easing off by now.

[Jason sighs]

Jason: Did they find Diego?

Elizabeth: I don't think so.

Jason: I should've -- I should've figured this out.

Elizabeth: You can't risk any more than you already have.

Jason: You can't, either. You shouldn't be here with me. We're not supposed to -

Elizabeth: I have a perfectly logical reason for seeing you. You saved my life. And it probably ruined yours.

[Nikolas gasps]

Nikolas: Agh.

Emily: Nikolas, it's not your time. And you still have more to do.

[Gasp]

Emily: I'm still here. You can't go yet.

Diego: Look at this. It's like a wonderful parting gift.

Maxie: The police are coming.

Diego: Oh! Let them.

Maxie: Agh!

Diego: You're going to be long gone before they get me.

[Maxie gags]

Diego: Oh, hey, say hi to your sister for me.

[Maxie hits Diego]

Diego: Agh!

Maxie: Oh, oh!

Diego: Aw, come on! No!

Nikolas: Let her go.

Diego: Or what?