Tuesday June 24, 2008 Part -1

Patrick: Ok.

Robin: Ooh, Elizabeth called that one. He definitely needs his diaper changed.

Patrick: What the hell do mothers feed these things?

[Robin laughs]

Robin: I know. They're like little stink bombs for a while.

Patrick: Ok, Jake, I know this probably a little bit uncomfortable for you, but thankfully Robin is good with you kind and she's going to take great care of you.

Robin: Oh, no, no, no. No, I'm strictly on couch rest, remember? Jake's all yours.

[Patrick scoffs]

Carly: Don't get your hopes up. I may be a lot of things, but I'm not pregnant.

Jax: Nausea, light-headedness, I mean, those are all early symptoms.

Carly: Because I haven't eaten since breakfast. Look, I've been going back and forth to the aftercare institute. I could've picked up a bug along the way -

Jax: It's just the timing of it is a little suspect. I'm just -- maybe it's hormones. Maybe it's hormones.

Carly: I'm sorry. I really am. I'm not having a baby.

Sonny: You're not serious, are you? You don't want a pre-nup.

Kate: Well, they're actually commonplace in today's marital environment.

Sonny: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. I'm aware of that, but -- oh, I think -- I think I know what you're worried about. I'm going to ease your mind, ok? Yes, it's true. I turned over my holdings to Jason when he took the business, but my coffee business is booming and I'm -- I'm still pretty wealthy. So I -- there's no reason for me to go after assets.

Kate: I'm not worried about you, Sonny.

Jason: What -- what are you doing?

Claudia: Just trying to make you more comfy. How do you feel?

Jason: What? Don't touch me.

Claudia: Would you relax? I don't have cooties. I think your fever's breaking. You're going to live. You can thank me as soon as you let go of my arm.

Maxie: Ok, we'll just sit tight. Thanks. Maintenance said they're working on it. It's a fuse thing, not an elevator cable, which I'll take as a good sign.

Johnny: Did they say how long it would be 'til they get us out of here?

Maxie: Nope, they just told us to relax and make the best of things.

Johnny: Maintenance said "make the best of things"?

Maxie: Ok, maybe I made that part up, but, I mean, we're stuck in an elevator. Shouldn't we be making lemonade out of lemons or something? Here we are, two ridiculously healthy people stuck in a small space together, railings with potential -

Johnny: Maxie, why do you keep flirting with me when you know I'm not interested?

Maxie: I'm a determined person.

Johnny: I think there's more to it.

Maxie: No, you're just used to Lulu and I'm a lot less complicated than that. I find you very attractive. I flirt with attractive men. It's like a law of nature. Besides, it bugs your girlfriend.

Johnny: Maybe that's just an excuse.

Maxie: No, that's my motivation. Getting back at Lulu is not just karmic justice, it would make me feel so good. If I could hurt her the way she hurt my sister -- no physical trauma, nothing life-destroying. But the pain of a broken relationship? You bet. That's exactly what she deserves. And there could be something else, another reason, if you're interested.

Johnny: I don't have much of a choice in here.

Maxie: I trying to do something nice for you.

Johnny: By hurting my girlfriend?

Maxie: Hey, look, once you dump all of that wacky family baggage, I don't think you're a bad guy. You seem very genuine. Put things on the line. Take it or leave it. I mean, I respect that. That's me. And I'm trying to pull you out of the fire before you get third-degree burns because being with Lulu that is all you're going to get.

Lulu: Well, how did you happen to find me all the way out here?

Logan: I was with Anthony when he called Johnny. I heard him say where you were.

Lulu: So, what, you came here to start a fight?

Logan: No, I also knew that Johnny would be on his way to see his old man. So I thought I would take this opportunity one last time to try to get through to you.

[Lulu sighs]

Lulu: I don't need any getting through to. I'm doing just fine.

Logan: Lulu, you -- you're standing on the edge of a long way down. You don't know the Zaccharas like I do. They're crazy. And I'm not talking in some lovable, quirky, eccentric kind of way, ok? I'm talking certifiable, need-to-be-locked-up-and- medicated insane.

Lulu: You know what? I'm aware of that. Believe me.

Logan: I don't -- I don't think you are, ok? I spend all day, every day, wheeling that old bastard around, jumping every time he has to snap his fingers. These people threaten each other for breakfast, ok? And Johnny is right in there. He's going toe-to-toe with Anthony, with Ric, with Trevor. They're all evil, Lulu. And there's no way that you should -- you should be exposed to that.

Claudia: Your fever is way down. I think you're past the worst of it.

Jason: Great.

Claudia: A simple thank you is too much to ask?

Jason: Thank you. You can go.

Spinelli: The Jackal apologizes for the interruption, but suddenly he feels most peculiar.

Kate: A pre-nup is like -- it's like medical insurance, right? You may never need it. You hope you don't. But god forbid in the event something happens, it's like a safety net for you and me.

Sonny: Listen to you, miss never-been-married. I mean, I'm -- I'm the one who's been through a nasty divorce. If anybody's going to be cynical here, shouldn't it be me?

Kate: Well, it's not cynicism.

Sonny: It's not cynicism?

Kate: No.

Sonny: What is it?

Kate: It's practicality. I don't want to have this conversation.

Sonny: I don't -

Kate: Talking about assets and money is the least romantic thing on the planet, but you know what? It's necessary, right? We should have it sooner, rather than later, so here we go. Look, if this was about me protecting half of all of my money, you know, I might still want a pre-nup, but it's not a deal breaker. However, the government definitely qualifies. Now, I know that you are a legitimate businessman now, and I believe that you have every intention of staying that way. You spent a lot of years on the other side of the law, sonny. And, I don't know, maybe one day the feds might make a case out of it.

Sonny: Oh, and you think they're going to come after me and freeze my assets, and you don't want them coming after you.

Kate: Yeah, exactly. I love you, Sonny, but I don't want to lose everything that I've worked for because you made choices that I wouldn't have.

Carly: You know, Jax, I would have a hard time getting pregnant under the best circumstances. And you know what? Our lives -- my life has been anything but. I've been under tons of stress, tons of pressure. There's no way I could be pregnant right now.

Jax: But it only takes one time. I mean, through all the turmoil, the one thing that hasn't suffered has been our sex life. Now, I'm assuming that you're not on the pill, right? You're not?

Carly: No, no.

Jax: So then there is a chance. There's a chance.

Carly: I know how bad you want us to have a baby and -- and I know you can't help -

Jax: Hold on a second. I thought you wanted that, too.

Carly: Well, I just think you're making a big deal over low blood sugar, that's all.

Jax: Ok, you know what? There's only one way to end this debate. We'll go and get a home pregnancy test.

Carly: No, absolutely not.

Lulu: Look, I know that you're telling me the truth about Anthony and Claudia and Trevor and Ric, if he sticks around long enough, but that actually brings me to you. Why are you working that job? Why -- what do you -- what do you get out of being in the middle of something that you say you despise?

Logan: My motives don't matter.

Lulu: Really?

Logan: It's you I'm worried about. Johnny is not who you think he is -

Lulu: No, stop right there. We are not discussing him. It's a waste of time. I've made up my mind about him.

Logan: You won't even hear what I have to say?

Lulu: Because I know what you're going to say.

Logan: I told you the truth about the zaccharas, lulu. Trust me to keep doing it. You used to.

Lulu: Well, yeah. And actually, a lot has happened since then. We broke trust and we self-destructed.

Logan: Yeah, sure, you know, we had growing pains, but -- I screwed up, ok? But, Lulu, we had a real -

Lulu: Ok, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. I -- I sent you so many mixed signals and I am not going through that again. I'm sorry if it hurts to hear it -- we're not getting back together, ok? You really need to accept it and move on. I'm leaving. And don't even think about following me.

Johnny: You keep going on and on about how Lulu's some sort of disaster for me, Maxie. But at the same time, in the same breath, you freely admit how much you hate her. So why am I supposed to believe that you coming on to me is not about me in any way?

Maxie: Why would I lie?

Johnny: Why do you breathe?

[Maxie scoffs]

Maxie: Hmm, you know, I have to admit, whatever it is Lulu does to make you guys all gooey and lovesick over her, in the beginning it works like gangbusters, but it's the sustaining over time thing that usually falls apart. Can I ask you something? What is it exactly that Lulu brings to the table? Besides a never-ending ability to make you chase her around, rescuing her all the time. Do you even know why she's such a drama queen?

Johnny: Something tells me you're about to enlighten me. And I swear, if this has anything to do with your sister, I've heard it a million times.

Maxie: Oh, we don't even have to look that deep. For Lulu, it's all about being a Spencer, living up to the legend of her family legacy. You're just a prop she uses to prove what a rebel she can be.

Johnny: That's delusional, Maxie, even for you.

Maxie: It's truer than you think. I have legendary parents, too, you know. Felicia and Frisco -- big scary spies, big scary love story. And that is a bitch to live up to when you're just an ordinary person, going to work every day, ruining all of your relationships. But I chose to channel my insecurities into a career. Lulu chose to duplicate her parents' love story by finding a guy just like her dear old dad. Sexy, dangerous, intense, a guy who scares the hell out of her, just like Luke did Laura. But you can't relive someone else's love story. Only Lulu would want to.

Patrick: Success.

Robin: See? I told you. You perform brain surgery for a living -

Patrick: Yes, I do.

Robin: So changing a diaper should be, well, child's play. And I guess the third time is the charm.

Patrick: There was nothing wrong with my first attempt.

Robin: Except for the fact that you put it on backwards.

Patrick: Which is a common mistake, I'm sure. And the second attempt would've worked fine if Jake didn't pee all over everything, including me.

Robin: There is a bright side. There's a 50% chance that we could have a girl.

Patrick: Oh, yeah. Ok, what do I do with the dirty diapers now?

Robin: You put them in a plastic bag and take them out to the garbage after you feed Jake.

Patrick: Feed him?

Robin: Mm-hmm.

Patrick: Well, can't he just go to sleep or something?

[Jake cries]

Patrick: Robin, come on, ok? Let's make a deal. I will do anything to prepare the food, but you -- you have to feed him, please.

Robin: Mm.

Patrick: Hey, come on, I'm desperate here. I'm asking a favor.

Robin: Ok, how about we do it together?

Patrick: Thank you.

Spinelli: Did the fair Maximista witness the Jackal's collapse? Oh, one more humiliation piled on so many.

[Stammers]

Spinelli: Why -- why -- why is stone cold's couch in the haunted star?

Jason: Hey, hey, hey, look at me. You're at home, ok? Just -- just try to relax. Rest right now.

Claudia: Yeah, he's conscious, but I think he might be delirious. I just did. It's 102. Ok, thanks.

Jason: What did they say?

Claudia: Same thing they said with you -- acetaminophen, rest, fluids. Hey, look, you're just barely recovered yourself. Why don't you go upstairs and lie down? I can take care of Spinelli.

Jason: I'm fine.

Spinelli: No, stone cold, he's not fine. He struggles every day with terrible conflict, oedipal in nature.

Jax: Why would you object to a home pregnancy test?

Carly: Because there's no point.

Jax: What's the harm? I mean, you -- you're queasy. We've been having sex for weeks, unprotected. And it's -- it's a trip to the drug store just to get a home pregnancy test. It's a couple of bucks.

Carly: No, I don't need to do that because I know I'm not pregnant. I got to tell you, the way you're acting and pushing me really worries me. Are we going to have a problem if we find out that I can't have a baby?

Jax: No, why would you say that?

Carly: I mean, do you think that a baby is going to fill the void that Michael left, because -

Jax: You know what? You're protesting too much and I think I know why.

Johnny: You have an interesting take on things, Maxie. You're completely wrong, but at least you've given it some thought.

Maxie: I pay attention. For example, I watch your interaction with lulu enough to know you're in constant battle with yourself. Should you be selfish Johnny and take what you think she has to offer or noble Johnny who should really give lulu up? You spend so much time arguing with yourself, you never get to be normal Johnny and just have a nice night out with your girlfriend.

Johnny: Maxie, there is one thing I'm clear on and that is I'd rather jump off the roof of this building than hurt Lulu.

Maxie: I actually believe that you mean that. But that doesn't matter. Lulu will end up getting hurt in the end. It's her whole victim mentality. She's just too fragile for you.

Johnny: You don't know me.

Maxie: Tell me when I get it wrong. You are fearless and reckless. You already know that there's no happily-ever-after. You like to live in the moment. It's where you're most comfortable. And if you were being completely honest with yourself, you would see that dumping lulu and finding a kindred spirit, someone more like me, would be better for both of you in the end.

Spinelli: It is the most basic of conflicts, the foundation of dynastic politics. The young king must inevitably replace the old one. As one waxes, the other wanes. And despite sentiment, loyalty, and natural reticence, the king must die. Long live the king. It is time for stone cold to play his part in the epic struggle.

Jason: Your fever is spiking. You -- you're talking crazy right now. You know what? I got this from here, ok?

Claudia: No, you know, if I stuck around and took care of you, I'm not going to abandon a sweetheart like Spinelli.

Spinelli: Go -- go easy on stone cold. He is in terrible turmoil.

Claudia: Is that right?

Spinelli: Stone cold struggles daily with the dire reality of inevitable destiny. You must come to loggerheads with your true father.

Jason: Spinelli, my father's dead.

Spinelli: Not your biological father, the late and deeply lamented Dr. Alan, but in every other way, the parental role in Stone Cold's life has been Mr. Sir.

Claudia: Who's Mr. Sir?

Spinelli: Mr. Corinthos sir.

Jason: Spinelli.

Spinelli: Mr. Corinthos sir is Stone Cold's master in a way, at whose feet the young Jason Morgan learned the ways, the methods, the ethics of mob life. And stone cold learned his lessons well and is now, in the fullness of time, stepped in to wear the mantle, but power is insidious and Mr. Sir is held in its sway. He will wish to command again.

Jason: Ok, you know what? You need to rest.

Spinelli: Be forewarned, my friend and master, for it will come to be. Mr. Sir will die and by your hand.

Kate: Oh, Sonny, this is so not a big deal. Pre-nups are practically de rigueur these days.

Sonny: What?

Kate: Required.

Sonny: Oh.

Kate: Look, just -- let's get Diane on it, clear up all the legalities so we can concentrate on all the fun planning.

Sonny: Ok, you know, we're not going to just gloss this over. Ok, you -- I heard you. Your thoughts are valid and facts are facts. I've been breaking laws since I was six years old and I've made a lot of enemies on both sides of the fence, right?

Kate: Mm-hmm.

Sonny: I -- I may be out of my former life, but it doesn't, uh, it left me. I mean, something out of nowhere could come out and bite me that I don't even remember. You don't want to be dragged down. So what -- if you think that it's a bad idea to be my wife, I won't hold you to any promises you've made here tonight. We don't have to get married.

Carly: Don't analyze me, Jax.

Jax: It's just an observation, ok? You -- you're afraid of the possibility of a pregnancy because you don't know if you can handle it if you're not pregnant.

Carly: You want the truth?

Jax: Yeah.

Carly: I can't imagine being pregnant right now. I can't imagine having a little life growing inside of me and being happy about that when my first born is lying in a hospital bed, still and silent. You see, I think that's unbearable.

Jax: Does your love for Morgan lessen your love for Michael?

Carly: No, of course not.

Jax: Well, it wouldn't be lessened by a new child, either.

Carly: You know what? You're not listening to me. I don't know how many ways to tell you. I'm not pregnant. There's no -

Jax: That's why I'm saying that we should -- Jax and

Carly: Hey.

Jax: How was the movie?

Morgan: Great.

Carly: Yeah?

Jax: Awesome.

Carly: How was Morgan? Was he good?

Mercedes: Good as gold, just like always. Would you guys mind if I took off? It's my dad's birthday and I'd love to surprise him.

Carly: Go for it. Of course, go.

Jax: Do you need a ride?

Mercedes: That'd be great. Jax: I'll be back soon.

Carly: Ok. Your stepdad's pretty great, isn't he?

Morgan: Yeah.

Carly: Yeah. Wow, I just hope he's wrong this time.