Sonny: So, we're going to unload the shipment at pier five, and --

Max: That's Jason's pier, boss.

Sonny: Yeah, it is, really? I am aware of that.

Claudia: Eight days until Christmas. Do you remember that song? On the eighth day of Christmas

Sonny: No, I don't really pay much attention to that song.

Claudia: Well, I'd sing it for you, but torture's not really my thing. This room looks pretty cheerless.

Sonny: Okay, we're in the middle of talking business. Are you aware of that?

Claudia: Well, I think that a 10-foot tree would fit really nicely in this room. So, where do you want to put it?

Sonny: I don't want a tree this year.

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Nadine: Come on in.

Nikolas: So, are you ready to go to the church?

Nadine: Almost. Can you just give me one more minute?

Nikolas: Yeah. Can I help you with anything?

Nadine: Well, I wrote a eulogy, or I wrote half of one and then crossed out most of it, and now I can't find it anywhere.

Nikolas: It's okay. It'll be all right. We'll find it.

Nadine: No, it won't. I'm so worried I'm going to make a mess of things, and totally disappoint Aunt Raylene.

Nikolas: Hey, it's okay. I'll get you through this. I promise.

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Maxie: I couldn't agree with you more, Kate. The silver crystals are cold. Something warmer, I'll work on it. Have you found a job yet?

Johnny: If I had, I'd be working.

Maxie: No offense, but the sooner you move out, the better. I think after what happened last night --

Lulu: What happened last night?

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[Luke whistles]

Luke: I'm sorry, but you've got to help me. It's a dire emergency.

Epiphany: I can't wait to hear this.

Luke: You have to admit me as a heart patient.

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Robin: Patrick?

Patrick: What? Is Emma okay?

Robin: Do you hear that?

Patrick: Hear what?

Robin: Emma's not crying.

Patrick: Wow, we fed her like four hours ago. She's been sleeping for four or five hours.

Robin: Pretty soon she'll be able to sleep through the entire night.

Patrick: Don't jinx it. Let's just enjoy the moment.

Robin: She's not too quiet, right?

Patrick: We put her on her back all the time. The chance of SIDS is miniscule.

Robin: Okay, yeah, I'm sure she's fine.

Patrick: Is she breathing?

Robin: I can't tell. Yeah, she's fine.

Patrick: Okay, just let her sleep. Come on.

Robin: If Emma starts sleeping four and five hours a day, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself.

Patrick: I have an idea. Come here, sexy mama.

Robin: You look really cute when you're all tousled.

[Emma crying]

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Nadine: It's so hard to write --

Nikolas: Come on.

Nadine: I tried to think of anecdotes that would do Aunt Raylene justice and stories and memories we shared together.

Nikolas: I know. Well, that sounds perfect. That's what you should do.

Nadine: Yeah, until I stood in front of the mirror to try and rehearse it and I couldn't get through the first line without crying.

Nikolas: Listen, Nadine, what little time I spent with Raylene, it was clear to me that she embraced all facets of life, including loss and sorrow. So, I wouldn't be afraid to cry if I were you.

Nadine: Yeah, I just hope I can get through it.

Nikolas: Well, just, I don't know, speak from your heart. Get up there and tell your friends and family exactly what she meant to you.

Nadine: I guess I just, I don't want her to really be gone.

Nikolas: I know.

Nadine: I want her to still be here until I'm the one who's old and gray.

Nikolas: I know, I know. Do you remember when I was grieving over Emily? You reminded me that I should live the way she would want me to and embrace every moment, and that was good advice that you gave me. Now I'm giving it back to you.

Nadine: I know you're right, and my head understands that but my heart is just...

Nikolas: Listen, if you feel yourself starting to break, just look for me, okay? I'll be right there.

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Maxie: Nothing happened.

Lulu: That's convincing. Okay, what are you trying to cover up?

Maxie: Lulu, nothing happened. This apartment is just too small for the three of us. That's all. Shouldn't you be at the office?

Lulu: You said you wanted Johnny here.

Maxie: Yeah, when I thought he would be paying a third of the rent. If Kate calls in and gets rolled over to voice-mail, there is going to be hell to pay.

Lulu: I still haven't heard what happened.

Johnny: Maxie and I came through the living room at the same time last night and surprised each other.

Lulu: That's it?

Johnny: Yes, that's it. See you later.

Lulu: Wait, where are you going?

Johnny: I'm going to find a job.

Lulu: Did you not find one this morning?

Johnny: No. There's not much of a job market out there for a guy with just a high school diploma. So, the sooner I get out there, the sooner I can find a job and pay rent in my own place.

Lulu: Okay.

Johnny: Bye.

Lulu: Good luck.

Maxie: Satisfied?

Lulu: I don't think Johnny did anything wrong, but you look guilty as sin.

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Luke: But you can't put me in ICU. I need my privacy.

Epiphany: Mr. Spencer, are you having chest pains?

Luke: Oh, no, no, no. The new diet I'm on, junk food, booze, and cigars, it's working miracles. You know, I have rarely felt better. Ironically, my marital status has never been worse.

Epiphany: And how is this my problem?

Luke: My wife is on the hospital board.

Epiphany: And don't we know it. That woman is a non-stop pain in the ass, and she's been even worse lately.

Luke: Yeah, yeah, destructive and combative and spoiling for a fight.

Epiphany: And taking it out on the entire hospital staff. You should have heard that woman screeching when we had to move her charity hospital --

Luke: It's because she's miserable. She misses me. Now, if you help me win her back, peace will reign in your world again and there will be a big cash infusion in mine.

Epiphany: And how do you plan to pull off this miracle?

Luke: It'll take a heart attack, my heart attack.

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Claudia: You don't want a Christmas tree? What are you, one of those "bah, humbug" types?

Sonny: You want a tree?

Claudia: Yeah.

Sonny: Put one at your father's house.

Claudia: Oh, great, yeah, that would be good. So I could relive all of the warm, fuzzy moments from my childhood. No thank you.

Sonny: Whatever you want to do, you go ahead and do it.

Claudia: Okay, good, well, I want to ask Max. I think we should get Max's opinion. Max, what do you think? Do you think this room could use a little Christmas cheer? I don't know, maybe some nutcrackers, some poinsettias. You know, I don't know what else says Christmas. Like maybe a tree?

Max: Boss, I'm going to go make those calls you wanted me to make. Excuse me.

Claudia: I'm just really not seeing what the big deal is about making the room look festive.

Sonny: I used to have a tree for my kids, right? We'd decorate the tree, put presents underneath like what family's do, right?

Claudia: We're going to have a few presents, right?

Sonny: Michael is in a coma in the Aftercare Institute, okay? Carly has sole custody of Morgan, won't let me see him. And Alexis, well, I do have the right to see Kristina, but she'll do everything to avoid it.

Claudia: Okay, but if there's some way legally that you can see Kristina, I think it would be great if she came over here. I mean, I would love that.

Sonny: After everything that's happened this past year, including marrying you, I am not going to pressure Alexis.

Claudia: I'm still not seeing what the big deal is.

Sonny: I'm a father. I'm not going to be with my kids for the holidays. I don't need a damn tree to remind me of what's missing in my life.

Claudia: You know, there's this great story, which if you've never read, I'd be happy to get it for you. It's about a guy called the Grinch.

Sonny: I'm not joking, Claudia.

Claudia: And this guy, he had this idea, the Grinch, that he could stop Christmas. And the moral of the story is that he's wrong, because Christmas lives in the hearts and the minds of people everywhere and it's coming, whether you want it to or not.

Sonny: I might go to church, and that's what I'm going to do and it's going to be like any other day.

Claudia: And you really think that that will erase all the memories of the Christmases when your kids were with you?

Sonny: Okay, what are you -- are you going to get me so depressed that I want to kill myself?

Claudia: Well, you know, now that you mention it.

Sonny: Why are you so gung ho about Christmas? You don't want to spend time with your family, right?

Claudia: Well, when I was a kid, one of my first memories of Christmas were with my mother. She loved the holidays. She decorated the entire house, and she made eggnog and fruit bread, the whole thing. When I was five years old, one time there was this ginormous present under the tree, and when I unwrapped it, it was the most exquisite Victorian three-story dollhouse I had ever seen, with a mom and a dad and a brother and a sister. And I used to sit there and play with that thing for hours and hours and make up little stories. You know, about their perfect little life and how happy they all were in their beautiful house.

Sonny: Where's the dollhouse now?

Claudia: Daddy took a hammer to it, smashed it, threw my dolls in the trash. Surprised?

Sonny: That's terrible.

Claudia: Nice job, changing the subject there, by the way.

Sonny: Conversation's over. That's why there's no change in subject.

Claudia: You know, your kids love Christmas, right? So, they would want a tree. They would want you to have a tree.

Sonny: You're not going to let this go?

Claudia: Here's the deal. I happen to love Christmas, and I want a tree and I'm your wife and I live here, too. So, I'm damn well going to get one.

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Robin: She looks so happy and content.

Patrick: Yeah, well, screaming for 15 minutes, six ounces of formula, and you can no longer say you're not as good at this as I am.

Robin: Have I become that predictable?

Patrick: She cries and fusses with everyone. You just take it more personal.

Robin: I guess. Anyway, I'm going to make up for it by giving us the best Christmas ever.

Patrick: I am way ahead of you.

Robin: Oh, really?

Patrick: Yes, I already shopped for your present and Emma's present.

Robin: Well, I don't see any boxes anywhere.

Patrick: That's because I don't trust you. So, I'm keeping them at Matt's house.

Robin: Oh, clever. By the way, I have to say, I'm glad that you're getting along with your brother so well.

Patrick: Well, I wouldn't say "so well," but, yes, it's good. You know, we're both working on it.

Robin: Yeah, well, I'm going to hide my presents in Emma's closet. So, no peeking, okay?

Patrick: Mm-hmm.

Robin: And since you don't have any surgeries scheduled today, why don't we go get our tree and the decorations and Emma's stocking? Oh, and then we could go to the pond and watch the skaters and then maybe go to that little cafe by the pond and get some hot chocolate.

Patrick: Let's just wait and see what we have time for.

Robin: Okay.

Patrick: Okay.

Robin: But it's Emma's first Christmas, and I just want to start some really good traditions.

Patrick: Well, I think that's a great idea, but she's not going to remember any of this until she's like three or four. So, let's just relax and enjoy the evening.

Robin: Okay, sounds good to me.

Patrick: Good.

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Monica: Oh.

Tracy: Hi, Monica.

Monica: Hello.

Tracy: How are you coming with the needlepoint?

Monica: Moving right along.

Tracy: Should we make it into a pillow when you're done?

Monica: Tracy, you could care less whether it's a pillow or a pot holder. You're fishing for a favor. So, why don't you just get to the point?

Tracy: You know, Daddy and I had you appointed as Chief of Staff. The least you could do is show up for the job instead of needle pointing.

Monica: I was at the hospital all day. Not that it's any of your business.

Tracy: So, I bet cardiology is really hopping, what with all the holiday stress and all.

Monica: We've had our share of cases, yes.

Tracy: Any new patients I should know about?

Monica: What are you getting at, Tracy?

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Luke: Ow. Excuse me, Nurse Johnson, your bedside manner could use a little work.

Epiphany: Well, this had better work.

Luke: It will. The only time my precious popsicle has ever expressed unconditional love for me is when I was at death's door. So, we just have to make her believe that's where I am.

Epiphany: You think that woman is worth all this work?

Luke: If you'd have told me, when I first tricked her into marrying me, that I'd be jumping through hoops to stay in this marriage, I would have told you you were a few cards short of a deck. But it turns out that Tracy and I are a perfect match.

Epiphany: You're broke and she's rich.

Luke: Like I said, a perfect match.

Epiphany: Look, I'm only doing this to keep a little peace in this hospital. If you get caught, I never saw you and don't you "Psst" me again.

Luke: Psst. I had to do it. I'm sorry. I had to do it. You can't leave. You've got to calibrate these machines so that I look feeble. Tracy's no fool. You know, if she gets wind of the fact that the details aren't right, she's going to know I'm faking.

Epiphany: You know, there is an easier way to get your wife back.

Luke: What's that?

Epiphany: Tell her you love her and mean it.

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Lulu: If I catch you trying to make a move on Johnny again --

Maxie: Don't be ridiculous. The three of us living in this tiny little space, the last thing we need is the drama of a three-way.

Lulu: Oh, and you hate drama.

Maxie: There's no need for sarcasm. I was just trying to be nice.

Lulu: Yeah, and last time you were nice to Johnny you made a fool of yourself. So, do us all a favor and don't try again --

Maxie: Lulu, stop it. Nothing is happening, okay? I am human. Johnny is hot. I ran into him in the living room. I gave him an appreciative glance. That was it.

Lulu: An appreciative glance?

Maxie: Lulu, I'm telling you this as a friend, okay? Nothing drives away a man faster than insecurity.

[Phone rings]

Lulu: Johnny?

Johnny: I got a job.

Lulu: That's great. Where are you working?

Johnny: I'll tell you about it later. I got to go.

Lulu: Okay, I can't wait to hear. Johnny got a job already. I wonder where he's working. I wonder where he's working.

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Maxie: Oh, good, you're both dressed and ready. Hi, Emma. I have 1,000 things to do for Kate and "Crimson" today and then 1,000 for myself, but your wedding comes first. We have a cake tasting appointment in 15 minutes. I love the buttercream.

Robin: Oh, well, Maxie, thank you for arranging that, but we can't go.

Maxie: Are you serious?

Robin: Well, yeah, Christmas is a week away. We don't even have our tree yet. And so, you know, tonight's the night.

Maxie: Well, let's get things straight. Your wedding is on December 26th, and Christmas comes once a year, so...

Patrick: We trust you implicitly, Maxie.

Robin: Yes, Patrick is right. I mean, since you did such and excellent job with our first wedding, we trust you. And since we decided that this one's going to be a little bit smaller and more intimate, it takes a little bit of the pressure off of you.

Maxie: I still want everything to be perfect.

Robin: It will be.

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Lulu: Dad, what happened? I thought you were doing better.

Luke: Oh, I am, I am.

Lulu: Well, have you been having heart pains and not telling anyone? You can't do that.

Luke: No, no, Lulu. It's okay. I'm fine.

Lulu: You're not fine. You're in the hospital with machines and tubes.

Luke: I'm faking it. It's all an act. I had somebody on staff help me set it up.

Lulu: You're faking a heart problem?

Luke: Yeah, because of Tracy. I want her to take me back.

Lulu: Oh, my gosh. Dad, this is crazy.

Luke: Well, it's just crazy enough to work. Will you help?

Lulu: You want me to lie?

Luke: Yeah, it's for a good cause. You know, I want to get back living with my wife again. And you can come back to the Quartermaines if you want.

Lulu: I will pass on that.

Luke: The apartment working out?

Lulu: Yeah, it's cramped, but so far, so good. It told you, I'm splitting it with Maxie and Johnny's living there. We will have you over for dinner when you get out of the hospital.

Luke: Terrific. That will be great. Okay, here's the scam. I'm going to lay here with my tubes and my monitors, weak as a kitten. You're going to go to Tracy and tell her how scared you are.

Lulu: Yeah, but there's a problem. If you were sick, I would call France and have Mom come home.

Luke: Okay, well, all right, if that comes up, you just say that Mom's in recovery and you didn't want to drag her back here because it might interrupt her recovery.

Lulu: Yeah, that'll work.

Luke: In fact, tell Tracy that she's the only on who can make me live.

Lulu: Why don't you tell her yourself?

Luke: Oh, kids.

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Claudia: The 10-foot trees are over there. Are you coming or not?

Milo: I'm right behind you, Mrs. C.

Claudia: Why do you look like you swallowed cod liver oil?

Milo: Mr. C is not happy about this.

Claudia: I know, but I'm happy about it and that's all that matters, okay? So, be a good bodyguard and come along.

Woman: This tree is dying. The needles are falling off.

Johnny: Lady, you just bought it.

Woman: I want it replaced with a good tree.

Johnny: It is good. It was cut down two days ago.

Woman: Don't you be rude to me, young man. Don't you realize the customer is always right?

Claudia: I'm sorry. Are you hard of hearing, lady? He said that the tree was two days old.

Woman: He's lying.

Claudia: My brother doesn't lie.

Woman: Your brother?

Claudia: Yeah, I'm Claudia and this is John Zacchara. Although, I recently married Sonny Corinthos. My husband has a really bad temper, I'm afraid. He doesn't like to hear about people harassing his in-laws.

Woman: My mistake.

Claudia: It sure as hell was. Milo, take this tree to her car for her.

Johnny: That was totally unnecessary, Claudia.

Claudia: What are you doing here?

Johnny: What does it look like? I'm working.

Claudia: It's manual labor, John.

Johnny: And I get paid for it.

Claudia: Why? Why, when I married Sonny so that you would get your inheritance?

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Max: Ms. Davis is here to see you.

Sonny: Show her in.

Alexis: What, no Christmas tree?

Sonny: Okay, don't start with me. Is this a personal visit or a professional visit? What kind of visit is it?

Alexis: I'm here as district attorney.

Sonny: Oh.

Alexis: To follow up on the recent outbreak of violence in Port Charles. Andrei Karpov was shot three times, no witnesses.

Sonny: Yeah, I have an alibi.

Alexis: Yeah, I know, your ex-wife, which is actually possible given your propensity to fall into each other's arms at the exact moment you can cause maximum damage.

Sonny: What's the point?

Alexis: The point is Karpov's associates aren't buying your alibi, Sonny. Your father was beaten. His restaurant burned down. Your old office burned down. The Russian warehouse exploded. Three people died.

Sonny: The Russian syndicate are horrible people. You want to arrest them? Be my guest.

Alexis: There's a pattern here.

Sonny: What's that?

Alexis: Violence begets violence. An 18-month-old child was taken, okay? His rescue caused several other people to die. There is something seriously sickeningly wrong here in Port Charles, and it's my job to stop it.

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